at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my shit smells like andre
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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