she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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