I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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