All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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