I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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