He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
