I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
