Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
