I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
