I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
