either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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