Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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