He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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