did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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