Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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