somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
