plz talk dirty to me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
