Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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