Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
