I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
