I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
from now on my penis is your penis
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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