It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A bitchslap is in order.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
