Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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