I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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