hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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