think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
