He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
