Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
