so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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