remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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