Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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