i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
