WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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