I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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