I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
