the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
