would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
