so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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