just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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