Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
