Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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