alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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