im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
