I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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