I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
