So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
