So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
