Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
