Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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