My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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