how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think your dad took our porno
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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