Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
