I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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