I wish life had little blips of pornography
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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