so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
