Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
