It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
