if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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