Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
