thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
