I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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