Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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