wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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