And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
