Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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