My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
