You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
