ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
