So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
