We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
