there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
