I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
