i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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